i don't have friends on this. and really don't know on here anymore. you can find me here: http://ohitsmallory.blogspot.com/

bye.

i am happy and content right now with the important things in my life. i am figuring out what to do in the near future, i am looking for a place to live, i have good health, my family is doing well, i just got a really amazing boyfriend, and my real friends are being incredibly supportive and i am having a good time with them. now is the time where i will be tested. who will stick around and who won't. i can feel it coming. we will see what the results will be. who will win, and who will lose. it's hard to keep the faith when disappointment is looking at your square in the face.

expect a long entry soon.
love.
me.

i forgot how much i miss little sister nicole and my hang outs. laying in bed and talking might be the best thing ever. one day we will live with each other or next door and have sl33povers all the time and be content. if that's one thing we lack, it is being content. we crave more and deserve more. but lack the resources, i.e. the amazing men, to give us what we deserve. but whatevers. we have lazy afternoons to look forward to.

oh feist, why are you on some crappy commercial now? ridiculous.

i got up today at 5:45am. i got up yesterday at 4:00am. oh how i love presentations and substitute teaching. i had a presentation on the economics of slavery on thursday and was nervous since i think the boy i sit next to is cute (and of course i've never spoken to him). then i had subbing today which was fine. i love sitting on my ass for 5 hours and getting paid $100.00.

i'm getting an amazing tax return of 2 grand so i am finally getting my tattoo filled in on thursday. i will be adding onto it also. i'm pretty excited about this. it needs to happen.

i'm realizing more and more what i want from a partner. for one, i need to take it slow with someone. and he needs to be normal since i am far from it. that's all. i don't care what music he listens to as long as he appreciated my record player and vinyl and it's ok if he listens to rap since i like to shake my assss. holler.

so i've been buying some new clothes and for once i feel like i am cute. cute clothes, clearer skin, my tattoo will be finish, my hair is longer and i will be getting a tan in a month. holler!

i'd like to know what the future holds for me. i may have a potential job for the fall. =]

i'm lonely. and craving real, lasting friendships/relationships. that is all.

i need more energy. i want to do so many things but lack the energy to do them. i'll work on that.

classes started. i'm only taking 2 real classes and 2 semi-real classes. the 2 real ones are kicking my ass already. i can't stand that i am in undergrad classes again but i need them to get my waiver. then i'll be done with undergrad courses forever! yay! the classes are already teaching me a lot which i'm stoked on. they're making me go out on my own and find info by myself which is rad too. i once again have the desire to read as much as i can.

valentines day is coming up. woopididoo. i'll probably do something for my residents since so many of us are single. one other thing that i need is someone who needs me. these boys that aren't aggressive aren't working for me. i need boys who want to come and snuggle and hang out. i'm getting too old to wonder how people feel about me and whether they like me. i'm an awesome woman and boys should want me like whoa! haha.

i think i'm going to be like nicole and be online less. if people want me they know where to get me. i need to focus on my studies for sure and i need to prepare for my teaching in the fall.

i've been sicky since last night but i am getting better. had body aches out of nowhere last night in my studio where the power was out and woke up with a horrid headache. the boys were so nice and made sure that i was okay and asked if i wanted them to make me food. now i lay in bed where i am comfortable, yet lonely.

i had a blast from the past today and feel okay about it. more on that in the future. nothing big though.

i start "training" tomorrow night even though this will be my third spring training. i don't think i even need to be there. i've decided for my door decorations i am putting up wes anderson movie characters from the royal tennenbaums, the life aquatic, and bottle rocket. maybe rushmore. i'm pretty excited about doing them. the residents loved my snakes on a plane so i have to hook them up with something entertaining.

i hope to meet more people in my classes this semester. i'll be taking undergrad classes so maybe there will be people my age and we can hang out. and i'm kind of sick of being patient in the boy department even though i can't do much about that. i need to give up this whole hard ass act and let someone in. hopefully more on that in the future too.

Are you getting tired?
I think we’ve gone, and lost the fire.
But I don’t wanna fight anymore,
I’ve had enough, of this town.

I can see the signs,
and I can read between the lines.
But I don’t know what we were fighting for,
I’m just trying, to breakout.

I’ve been waiting for something,
I’ve been sitting for too long.
I’ve been waiting but oh tonight,
this one last try, goes on and on and on

You put your nets out,
but still you chose to do without.
the only way to catch the butterfly,
is never waiting for the wings, and

As seasons bring change,
and as the seconds fade away.
I still don’t know why we were holding on,
But I’m still trying, to breakout.

I’ve been waiting for something,
I’ve been sitting for too long.
I’ve been waiting but oh tonight,
this one last try, goes on and on and on

Should've known better than to listen.
When the dreams and the words started falling apart.

Should've known i would've hit the ground running.

Did you think that the night would posses us,
Take us over like the rain that’s falling down.

Did you notice when the clock stopped running.

Running…

This is the countdown; You see our time is running out.
I tread to stay above the waterline,
but never taking off the weights that
keep us stuck here. In the comfort, and the fear.
I’ll never know what we were fighting for,
but I’m still looking to breakout.

I’ve been waiting for something,
I’ve been sitting for too long.
I’ve been waiting but oh tonight,
this one last try, goes on and on and on

but there's too much on my mind.

i took the CSET exam this last saturday. in order to move on to student teaching this following semester i would have needed to pass this test. however, i think i did horribly. so i am going to need to figure out what to do with my life if this falls through. i seriously could not even see straight after testing for five hours. and what was horrible is that about half way through i just started thinking about what to do if i failed the test. so i am going to be proactive and go and talk to someone about this. all i want to do is work with students and be their support. i have always dreamed of being a teacher. we'll see what happens.

in other news. i think i am back to my old self. i have been in a hole for the past three weeks because i have been studying non-stop. but i am so over this crap. it's time to have hang outs with people. i love seeing people that are important to me, like i was able to do today. i would like to let some new people into my life as well. if only.